Spice Weasel

“This needs more salt.” I cannot help but cringe every time I hear someone announce this. This single phrase I think captures, or represents, all that is keeping humanity from ‘growing up’.

My intent here is not to insult or denigrate other people or their habits. I am here, as my title suggests, to prod people to stop for one moment and to take a look at themselves and think “what the hell am I doing?” Do not think that I am solely targeting others from up here on my high horse, no, not at all. I am always painfully aware of how easily my brain switches off and I once again merge back into a member of…society.

Now back to the salt. There are many different aspects that it highlights and many different angles at which to attack it from, so I will arbitrarily start with what comes to mind first: Arrogance. I believe that it advertises the unconscious arrogance of the specific individual who, after sampling a meal at a restaurant, proclaims to ‘know better than the chef’ and state that the meal requires more salt to be of any worth.“But” – I hear you ask “what if this person had prepared their meal themselves? Surely they could see whether their own dish needs a ‘dash’ of the great flavour enhancer.”

Ah, but this brings me to my next point (a much more significant one I must admit). It is this idea that somehow adding salt to something magically changes its properties to release the full potential of the given food, and that only yours truly, by sampling the minutest of quantities, could ascertain the precise amount to be added. Let’s not kid ourselves, adding salt makes things taste more salty. That’s it. And being the contemptibly nutrient dependent organisms we are, have evolved a specific affinity for salty substances (for obvious reasons).

So if I could regress to my main topic, it is this blind succumbing to our primitive animal urges and instincts; whilst pretending their some higher, holy, divinely inspired culinary pursuit; is not only arrogant but ignorant as well.

So, the next time you're stuffing your pie-hole and think "this meal could have been better if only i had prepared it" remember it's just your mindless dead ancestors finding another way to guide your free will...